The topic I’m about to talk about here really makes my heart beat. Marriage!
Having been married for almost 27 years I guess I have one or two things to say in this area so don’t shout me down now.
Like it is often said, marriage is not a bed of roses and it’s not for little boys and girls. However, on the other hand marriage can be what you make it. You will note that I said ‘can be’ and not ‘will be’ or ‘is’ and this is because just like they say, it takes two to tango and if one of the spouses does not want to work on the marriage it becomes a lost battle. Given the right mix (i.e. both spouses willing to put in the effort) marriage will work – with God on your sides.
At times a marriage can look like it’s working till suddenly after a few or even many years the couple wake up to tell the world that they are getting divorced and it’s a shock to their friends and family. The truth is that in such cases, they have chosen to make their intention to divorce public when they did but indeed have been divorced in the real sense of the word years before. What people have been seeing on the surface was just a show or at best a trial at making things work!
Without much ado I’m going to talk about some of the things that make marriage work. This is by no means an exhaustive list and there are other things one can do to make marriage work. However, I have no doubt that a lot can be gained by considering the points mentioned in this piece.
Follow me as I share my heart in this area below.
Here we go:
1) Marriage is to be conducted God’s way: God is the creator of marriage and He has a manual on how to conduct it successfully – the Bible. In Matthew 19:6 the word of God says, what He has put together let no man put asunder. A couple must determine that their marriage is for keeps, so that nothing and nobody (including the couple by themselves) will put it asunder, period.
2) Love: Love for the greater part and trust only to an extent will make a marriage work. Many people believe a marriage cannot work without trust but I beg to differ on that.
What is trust? It can be defined as confidence in or reliance on good qualities. God never says in His Word that we are to trust others or rely on others. Our confidence should be in Him. Don’t get me wrong, it’s ok if a person believes in their spouse to some extent but this is not what will make the marriage work necessarily. Love – unconditional love is what makes a marriage work!
3) The willingness to adapt to each other: Couples must not have a dogmatic mind as to rules in their marriage if it will work. For instance, it cannot be presumed that the husband should do this because he’s the man or the wife should do that because she’s the woman. Flexibility is key when it comes to house chores. Whoever is better and more able to execute the chore should do it. Sensitivity to each other’s needs goes a long way.
4) Friendship: Couples who are friends first and foremostly have a better chance at making their marriage work. Weaknesses should be acknowledged and addressed from time to time in order to keep on top of such but they should not become the focus point. Spouses must not try to change each other, only God can do that. As friends, couples should know each other’s likes and dislikes treating each other accordingly.
5) Prayer: The Word of God says “Be sober and alert. Your enemy the devil, like a roaring lion, is on the prowl looking for someone to devour – 1 Peter 5:8 New English Translation. Couples should pray together and for each other to keep the devil at bay. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying – the couple that prays together stays together. Issues must be dealt with in prayer.
6) The ability to play: Being lovingly playful with each other adds a lighter mood to marital relationships, keeping it fresh. Gently touching/playing with each other and saying things meant only for each other’s ears create excitement in the relationship. Couples should learn the art of playing with each other is all I can say.
7) Distraction must not be allowed: Distraction can come in many forms. It could be a career, a vision, a person or anything that takes one’s focus off their spouse. Careers and assignments are just that and should never become more important than one’s spouse. Better still, one must not leave their spouse behind in pursuit of a career or vision. If another person is the source of distraction then it’s time to flee or step back from that situation.
On this note I say bye for now.